Peaks and valleys

Not everything is life is fun and games. Work can be great, and it also can suck ass. Friendships are the same.

It's hard, sometimes, when things get rough, to fight the initial urge to just bail out and run.

I had a friend recently who pointed out one of my biggest flaws. He did it in a moment of anger, after we had exchanged a couple snarky comments. I was pouring shots for he, another friend and I, and when I brought the shots to them, they both said they didn't want them. The other friend told me to just do them all.

Well, Friend No. 1 turned to No. 2 and told her, "He's diabetic. He doesn't need to do that."

My initial reaction, thanks to the alcohol, came flying out: "No one tells me what I can or cannot do."

And then I walked out of the room. After doing the shots, of course.

Friend No. 2 eventually left, and No. 1 and I had what started out to be a very angry conversation about what had just transpired.

"You know when X (another friend, but he wasn't involved in this night) called you pretentious?" he asked. "It's because you're a know-it-all."

This time, though, I fought my initial urge, which was to get pissed off and leave, and instead I heard him out. He told me how I have made him feel like shit on certain occasions, and how it really hurt his feelings.

I humbled myself and apologized because I knew it to be true. I have a bad habit of not really letting people know who I am and of always keeping them at arm's distance. It's a defense mechanism because I don't think people will like me if they know the real me.

I also took the opportunity to express some of the things that this friend had done that had hurt my feelings, and we talked about why those things had happened. Best of all, we ended the conversation smiling and parted with a hug.

It was a very healthy give-and-take, and I woke up the next morning feeling completely relieved and refreshed and grateful that I had taken such a huge step of personal growth and that our friendship had become that much stronger.

Peaks and valleys all in one night, to be sure. But the funny part about climbing those peaks and descending into those valleys is the fact that each summit you top makes you that much stronger and that much more ready to climb the next one.

And now for something completely different...

I just got back from the gym tonight. Shocker, right? Well, yeah, for anyone who knows me.

Anyhow, I feel amazing. And I'm not just talking about the rush of endorphins or the fact that I don't crave cigarettes (never have after working out).

I'm talking about the fact that I did something nice for myself. Something good.

I've been realizing lately that I've fallen back into a lot of old habits that really are not all that healthy: drinking too much, staying out too late, smoking too many Camels, pushing people away, neglecting myself by trying to take over other people's lives... You know, the basics.

The fact that I went tonight and did something good for me, something healthy that will have benefits, is a huge thing.

I doubt I ever will be a gym rat or one of those guys with the 24-inch pythons, but that's not my goal, anyhow. I haven't been a gym member since I lived in Chicago (2.5 years), so to say that I have fallen into a bit of disrepair is an understatement! I'm hopeful that with some some dedication and the threat of public humiliation for having posted this and then not following through, I will be able to at least consider myself healthy.