The thing about friendships...

.. is that they're supposed to be two-way streets. Not always all the time, but in moments of need, both parties can turn to each other.

Unfortunately, it's seemed to be pretty much a one-way street for me lately. That is, me dumping all my shit on other people.

I don't want that to come off as wrong, somehow. For the first time in my life, I've finally began to trust that some men in my life won't go away. Friends that I hold incredibly dear to me I finally believe are going to be there forever.

Is that a big deal? For me? Yes.

Do I know each of them on a truly deep level? Better than most people that they have known for a long time.

Nonetheless, as I watch them each go through times of upheaval and change in their lives, I can't help but wonder what I am doing wrong on some level. What is it that I am doing that won't let those people I love and trust (finally) the most turn to me?

I don't have an answer for that.

My initial reaction is to shut myself off even more. To stop letting myself be open for people, to stop letting people know what really is going on inside of me.

But I know that would be wrong.

I think, at the end of the day, I need to keep being me and to let other people's problems be their own. I just wish I could, if not be a part of the solution, be a part of the process that helps them find it.

Meantime, I will just pray repeatedly that they all know how much I love them and to what ends of the earth I would walk to help them all.

Waking up with a gorgeous man

No, it didn't happen this morning. At least, not that way.

I decided late last week that I was getting the hell out of St. Louis for a few days. Nothing big, I just needed a few days to myself. Even though yesterday at work was nothing short of horrible, I did manage to leave the Lou by 7 p.m.

The weekend started well enough with an apparently faulty gas pump that only charged me $13.07 to fill my tank. I suppose I should have told the attendant that it undercharged me by about $17, but I figured what the hell... This is MY weekend!

I decided to visit my oldest and dearest friend in the world, and we sat up last night watching the movie "Knocked Up." It truly was a lovely experience.

Then this morning, while I was half-awake on the couch with my head turned and my mouth open, I notice her dog - her big, BIG dog, Hank - coming toward me.

Meet Hank:



Still being in my groggy state, I didn't really react much - OK, at all - to the approaching ubercanine. Not, that is, until he licked me in my open mouth. That pretty much woke me right the hell up!

No worries, though. I love dogs, and Hank is a sweetheart!

I guess the lesson here is to never eat a whole bag of Funyuns by yourself. Nothing good ever comes of that.