My ex-wife got married again yesterday, and I am ecstatic for her. At least, I think she got married. It was supposed to happen yesterday, and I haven't heard anything contrary.
While I am ecstatic for her, I can't help but be a little sad and scared, too. Sad because it really and finally brings to a close a part of my life that while painful, was powerfully significant. Scared because I think there always has been this little piece of me that thought, "Well, if nothing else, if you both are incredibly lonely, I bet she would take you back."
I've never thought that I would want that, nor have I ever thought that she would want that. I guess I have to use a baseball analogy here to explain. A lot of eighth-inning setup pitchers are lights-out. Then, when they try to be closers, they bomb. Why? A lot of people think it has to do with the fact that when you are a set-up man, there always is someone behind you. When you are the closer, it's just you.
So I guess it's time to take the mound, close out the game of life that I've been playing and get ready to hit the field another day!
Showing posts with label ex-wife. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ex-wife. Show all posts
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Where were you exactly nine years ago?
Not many of us likely will be able to answer that question. I can, though.
Nine years ago, at this very moment, I was in my bed at the first house that my ex-wife and I rented, staring at the ceiling. I was nervous as hell, because in less than 10 hours, I would be married.
It's funny how things work out. I laid there that night praying - begging, really - for the strength to be able to make the marriage work. A few short years later, I would be praying for the strength to end the marriage.
On one hand, I wish that things would have been different. I wish that I never had gotten to know her, then maybe both of our lives would have turned out a lot better. On the other hand, I am proud of the woman that she has become and am most assuredly blessed with the three children that we have together.
Was that time together easy? God, no! We had our ups and downs, our fights, our good times and bad... I held her hand through childbirth and I held her hand (and corralled two toddlers) in a triage room while she miscarried what would have been our third child.
While the marriage was ending, we couldn't stand to be around each other. I reminded her that she was now "damaged goods" as she put it, and she reminded me that I once again had not lived up to expectations.
After we finally separated, we were both very flippant about things, acting as if being divorced was the most normal thing in the world. When she finally met someone that she fell in love with, things turned bad, and I am glad that they did. It finally gave us both the distance and closure that we needed.
We've worked through all that now, and I think we actually get along better now than we ever did. We are candid and frank with each other, we laugh, we disagree... We're adults, really. And it is amazing.
Things really have changed in the last decade or so, and I think it all is for the better.
In a few more weeks, she will be getting married again, and I am so happy for her. She deserves happiness. I wish I could be there, but I totally understand the awkwardness that would create.
Anyhow, Tobra, I wish you all the luck in the world. To borrow your phrase, "Happy Unniversary!"
Nine years ago, at this very moment, I was in my bed at the first house that my ex-wife and I rented, staring at the ceiling. I was nervous as hell, because in less than 10 hours, I would be married.
It's funny how things work out. I laid there that night praying - begging, really - for the strength to be able to make the marriage work. A few short years later, I would be praying for the strength to end the marriage.
On one hand, I wish that things would have been different. I wish that I never had gotten to know her, then maybe both of our lives would have turned out a lot better. On the other hand, I am proud of the woman that she has become and am most assuredly blessed with the three children that we have together.
Was that time together easy? God, no! We had our ups and downs, our fights, our good times and bad... I held her hand through childbirth and I held her hand (and corralled two toddlers) in a triage room while she miscarried what would have been our third child.
While the marriage was ending, we couldn't stand to be around each other. I reminded her that she was now "damaged goods" as she put it, and she reminded me that I once again had not lived up to expectations.
After we finally separated, we were both very flippant about things, acting as if being divorced was the most normal thing in the world. When she finally met someone that she fell in love with, things turned bad, and I am glad that they did. It finally gave us both the distance and closure that we needed.
We've worked through all that now, and I think we actually get along better now than we ever did. We are candid and frank with each other, we laugh, we disagree... We're adults, really. And it is amazing.
Things really have changed in the last decade or so, and I think it all is for the better.
In a few more weeks, she will be getting married again, and I am so happy for her. She deserves happiness. I wish I could be there, but I totally understand the awkwardness that would create.
Anyhow, Tobra, I wish you all the luck in the world. To borrow your phrase, "Happy Unniversary!"
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