Oh well...

I was going to tell everyone tonight the story of my awesome weekend; however, work decided to intervene.

And I was going to do it right now, but I have a freelance project to hurry up and finish. Except that I think I really am going to go to bed while I have the chance. Another half-hour, and I think I will be starting a few days of insomnia.

So good night!

Could it really have happened?

Once again, I had a night relatively free of sleep. Not that I wasn't tired, mind you; I was exhausted. And sober. (Well, I had 5 or 6 drinks over the course of several hours, but God knows that's not a lot for me.)

Anyhow, I had written a couple weeks ago about having some giant realization on the horizon that I couldn't quite identify. I'm not so sure that it didn't become painfully clear while I was starting to drift off. And when it did, it woke me right the hell up.

I'm not ready to put it here yet. I don't even know if I am ready to express it yet at all. Once I have processed, though, I will share. It's something else.

Finally

I've been able to get some sleep the last couple nights, thank God. Actual restful sleep, at that.

I also was fortunate enough over the weekend to host for a couple days a young friend who only recently came out, though not yet to his family. It was great being able to introduce him to some of my friends in hope that they could be positive gay role models. And from what he said, that is exactly what happened.

Anyhow, on the whole, it was a great couple of days.

To sleep: perchance to dream

I have this little condition whereby when I am stressed or nervous, I can't sleep. Like, at all. Needless to say, I have been a little stressed lately.

Tuesday night, despite having enough booze in me to put down a rhino (don't do that, they are endangered), I managed exactly zero hours of sleep. Nada. None. In fact, when I went to bed, I knew it wasn't going to happen, so I didn't even bother to set my alarm.

Last night, I didn't see it happening, either, so I sat down and started watching some old Bette Davis movies around 11 or so. I watched "All About Eve." And "The Virgin Queen." And "Phone Call from a Stranger." And I started watching "Hush... Hush, Sweet Charlotte," but lo and behold, around 5:15 a.m. I nodded off for a bit. Don't worry, though, I was back awake at 7:34. At least, that's what my phone said.

It's quite possibly my least favorite thing about myself, my inability to completely clear my mind and just relax. I normally have about 18,000 things going through my head at any given minute. The Wellbutrin has brought that down significantly, but there still are dozens of thoughts going on at once.

And right now, not all of them are positive.

Anyhow, I'd like to take a nap right now, but I know it's not possible. I'll sit here and try to relax and clear my head as much as I can. But since I doubt that works, either, maybe I'll just go see if I can find some sleep in a pitcher or three of beer.